Eugene Mirman - I'm Sorry (You're Welcome) {BOX SET}
LP
Live In Seattle At The Columbia City Theater
Introduction, A Gift From Derrick
Some Jokes That Have To Do With My Girlfriend, A Hotel In Boston, A Man In Provincetown, Twitter, Time Vs. Timing, A Neck Pillow
Sub Pop Showcase At SxSW
Ask A Pastor
Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center
A Linkedin Profile
The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe
Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A ‘Zine
Contacting Celebrities On Facebook
Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH
Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods
I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage
A Guided Meditation For The Thoughtful Body
Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable
The Body
Feet & Legs
Tummy, Doodle & Hoo-Hoo
Heart
Throat, Arms & Hands
Head
Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax
Fuckscape
Enter The Fuckscape
Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner
I’m A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor
I Thought I Was The Pancake Man
You’re A World-Class Pussy-Grifter
Eugene's Comprehensive Sound Effects Library
Introduction
Horse
Horse Galloping
Horse III
Duck
Duck II
Dog
Cat
Cat Purring
Cat Asking For Directions
Two Sheep Arguing
Mice Making Fried Rice
Bear
Wolf
Fox Embarrassed About His Boner
Giraffe Sleeping
Turtle
Turtle II
Chicken Prostitute Haggling
Shark
Toilet Flushing
Blender
Automatic Door Opening
Doorbell
Alarm Clock
Frying Pan Sizzle
Teapot Whistle
Dishwasher Running
Telephone Ringing
Telephone Falling On The Ground
Shower Running
Crackling Fire
VCR Ejecting A Tape
Group Of Businessmen Agreeing
Baby Locked In A Dresser
Fart
Long Fart
Fart III
Little Girl Crying
Man Walking In Boots
Screaming Man
Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man
TV Audience Clapping At Food
Drum Circle
Rave
Last Guy At A Rave
Train
Steam Engine
Neon Sign
Motorcycle
Scanning An Item
Feeling For A Ripe Avocado
Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy
Jack-In-The-Box
Jigsaw Puzzle
Fire Truck
Video Game
Italian Person Eating A Pizza Pie
Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For
Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar
Grand Wizard Can’t Find A Sock
Powerful Senator
Powerful Senator II
Fighter Plane
Ambient Noise In An Airplane
Airplane Flying
Police Siren
Police Siren In Europe
Police Siren In Belgium
Gun Shot
Machine Gun
.357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon
Gays In The Military
Thunder
Rain
Hurricane
Blizzard
Snowing
Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business
Computer Downloading A File
New Email
Traffic
Kids Playing In The Park
Kids Playing In The Park II
Spaceship Flying
Spaceship Crashing
Going To Warp Speed
Alien Supermarket
Laser Gunfire
Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands
Ronald Reagan Taking A Shower
Tacos
Fur Coat Getting Fucked By A Bunch Of Cats
Tree Falling In A Forest
Jewish Person Saying “Oy Vey” Wrong
Summertime
People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency
Helicopters
Living Helicopter Complaining
Chinese Woman Eating Lasagna
Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial
Elephant Having Trouble
One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money
Telephone Calling A Toaster
Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question
Shortwave Radio
Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall
Dentist Having Sex
Panda At A Hotel
Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them
Cat That Doesn't Mind
Male Toothpaste Being Sneaky
Creamy Polenta Vs. Couscous
Old Man’s Penis
Dial Tone
Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom
Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie
Guy Getting A Sweet Beej
Fire Hydrant That Doesn’t Want Anyone To Know It’s Anti-Semitic
Bellhop Who Got Stung
LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi
LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise
Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich
Too Many Pieces Of Paper
Puddle
Magic Clown Using His Powers
Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion
The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better
Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong
Misogynistic Maple Trees
Apple Sauce Being Naughty
Safe Word
Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf
Cookies Being Arrested
Sheep That Is Too Cute To Eat
Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World
Desk Covered In Hair
Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time
Boy Who Loves Hammocks
Dustpan
A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter
Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies
Yellow Line That Divides Roads
Smell Of A Pear
Group Of Wealthy Men
Confused Child
25 Rats Sleeping
Flowers
Fishing
Boat
Mizzenmast
Bow
Stern
Basement
Rainbow
Telescope Being Defensive
Larry King Being Told Important Information
Well
The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record
Salad
Little Girl Teasing A Lamp
Zoo With Nothing To Lose
Racist Stapler
Friendship Bracelet
Thor’s Hammer, Mjölnir
Two Lost Fireflies
Humpback Whale
Elevator At The Empire State Building
Tip Of A Billionaire’s Penis
Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood
French Kids Picking Apples
Huge Pile Of Dirty Shirts
Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated
RomneyCare & ObamaCare
The Nerve Of Some People
Boner School
Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident
A BuzzFeed List
Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged
Fox News & MSNBC
Amicable Divorce
Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom
Snacks In Iraq
Telecommuting Cat
Nano-Horse
Hebrew Ray
Caldor Binge Drinking
Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game
Details
School Teacher Given Permission
High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future
Cheese
Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City
The Czech Republic
Drug Lord Feels Pretty Bad
Hotel Bed That Is Tired
Warm Handmade Boiled Bagels
Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction
Digital Drugs
A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs
Marijuana
PCP
Heroin
Apple Cider Vinegar
MDMA
LSD
Amoxicillin
Peyote
Amaretto Sour
Oxycodone
Over 45 Minutes Of Crying
Crying
More Crying
Still Crying
I Simply Keep Crying
Introduction To Spoken Russian
Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook
Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations
Conversational Russian In The Workplace
Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings
Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest
Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances In Public Spaces
Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia
Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World Of Academia
Polite Ways To Engage People Of High Status
Ringtones & Outgoing Voicemail Messages For Your Personal Use
Intro To Ringtones
Phone Call
Vibrate Vibrate Vibrate
Ding-Dong Doodly-Doo
Waterfalls Shrimp Shrimp
Fiddle-Doddle-Doodle-Deedle
Doo-Doo-Pa-Dee-Da-Da-Pada
Phone Is Ringing
Friend
Love
Spicy Fish
Mother Calling
Father Calling
Mother 2
Father 2
Zippa-Dee-Doo-Da Zippa-Dee-Da
Aaaaaaaa
Wife Calling
Husband Calling
Someone Is Calling
Fuckface Calling
Acquaintance
Unnnnnn
Auauauauauauau
Wouowowoooouuuooo
Whistle Ring
Trtrtrtrtrtrtrllllbbrrr
Vrrrvvvvvvvvvvbbbrrr
Hyeuueehuuyehyeheyehyeyeeuu
Gwreeegwkqreu
Hrrruuhrrrunnghruu
Hraaaa! Hraavlaa!
Luuuuleelaaalalou!!
Unnngnhhhnhnhnuua
Answer The Phone
Pffrrrtttt
Susan Sarandon Is Calling
Colleague
Doodle-Doodle Hoo-Hoo
Hey!
Waffles
Fuckbuddy
Piano Cleaner
Bryan
Cream Cheese
Rabbi
Priest
I Can't Answer The Phone
Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages
Dr. Fart
Sarah
Social Anxiety
The Sizzle-Maker
Mittens
Kate
No Answer
Debbie
Andrew
Phil Donahue
Kaitlin
Old Man
Steve
Lucy
Judy
Megan
Leave Your Name
Kim
Tim
Miguel
Sebastian
Penicillin Dong
Thong McHacky-Sack
Matt
Katie
Confident Balls
Robert
Mr. Shitface
Pile Of Sneakers
Pasta Nasty
Crème Fresh Jackson
I Can’t Answer The Phone
Flitchy Woo-Woo
Slick Motherfucker
Sleepy Horse
Can’t Come To Phone
Dawn
I Am A Doctor
Nick
Poodle
Hello, Mr. Cunt
Standard Greeting 1
Standard Greeting 2
Standard Greeting 3
Standard Greeting 4
Standard Greeting 5
Standard Greeting 6
Standard Greeting 7
I Can’t Answer The Phone (But I Want To)
195 Orgasms
Please Take Off Your Shoes
Don Draper Has The Flu
Moons Over Your Hammy
It’s Not A Slumber Party Without Thor
Now My Back Hurts
Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up
Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin
Oops
Sneaking Around The Zoo
Goodnight, Buddy
Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry
Faxed To The Wrong Number
Linda Ronstadt Chillaxing
1960’s Street Fight
Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh… Thanks
You Can Call Me Al (Not Song)
Don’t Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret
The Best Misunderstanding
Whoa… Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel
Kindhearted Fireman
Let’s Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. And Mrs. President
Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun
Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner
Goofballs Having Silly Fun
The Jackal Never Misses!
Land-Grabber’s Cousin Has Nice Upstairs
Mrs. Thunder / Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain
Don’t Mind If I Do…
Round One Goes To Princess-Rump
Happy And Stuffed
Just Another Guns N’ Roses Brunch
Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp
Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache
Have We Met?
No, Please… After You
Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD… Actually, Keep It
Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded
88% On Rotten Tomatoes
Mischievous Whoopsy-Daisy
Two Rascals Showing Off
48 And Flexible
That Was Worth It
Bandits Helping Around The House
Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling
I’m The Autodidact Of Amour
Oh, My Wife Knows
That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded
The Healing Heart / Mother-In-Law
Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party
We Get Five Weeks’ Vacation In Holland
Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant
Two Adults In A Small Space
Dude, We’re On The 5 O’Clock News
www.thepleasuresallmine.gov
I Don’t Have The Hiccups Anymore
Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven
These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!
Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful
I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now
The Kindness Of Strangers
We’re Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind
IT Department Doesn’t Have A Care In The World
Brassy, Bald And Ejaculating
I Voted For McCain In 2000
New Car Smell, Old Car Feel
Paul Can Really Push Good
Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want
David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange
Doin’ The Flip-A-Doo
Anti-Vaxxer “Saxophone” Relaxer
Germaphobe Does Not Mind
Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise
Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy
Fart Walrus
French Woman Enjoying A Danish
No Shirt, No Shoes - Service
With Or Without You (Preferably With)
Shouts And Murmurs
Pilates Are Invigorating
I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu
The Last Rock Star
It's Noon Somewhere
My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago
Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good
Love Clean Up, Aisle One
Found Your Thing Using MapQuest
Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store
This Cheesecake Is Divine
Jam Session
Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)
Even Better Than An Associate Degree
I Went To School In The Boston Area
Happiness Is A Warm Dong
Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole
Call Me Dr. Stardust
Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze
Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator
Operation Cooch-Toot
Preggo!
My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days
Sure, In There Is Fine
The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia
Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)
We Were Just Talking About You
Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford
Sophisticated?
We Deserve A Michelin Star
Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces
Soup Dumplings, Squish-Squish
How Very Hemmingway Of You
Drinking Straight Out Of Lust’s Milk Carton
Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation
Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief
I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?
Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short
Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?
Dirty Boulevard
Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?
Portland, ME Is Cool… But Really Weird
The Wish-Maker Will See You Now
Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker
The Shenanigans You Requested
What Gusto!
Please Don’t Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)
Wet Hot Americano
A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source
Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit
A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven
Too Soon?
Please Be Quiet Or You’ll Wake Up My Titties
Never You Mind That
She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter
Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game
Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence
Two Gigolos, One Office Manager
Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting
It Took Another Man’s Wife To Make This Boy A Man
Nothing Goes To Waste
My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse
Make Yourself At Home
Meet Me By The Condom Machine
I Feel Like I’ve Known You For Hours
Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out
Fire Your Dentist!
Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two
Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of Shit
I’m The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There
Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style
Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship
Sally’s In Charge
Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons
The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This “Carrot-Man”
It’s Raining Dan
It’s Like Apples And Oranges (Fucking)
College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It’d Be
Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help
A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables
Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting
Best Friends / Next Level
Tooth Fairy Is Quite Real
Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding
A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure
So Glad That Was You Behind Me
An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman
Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude
Martha Washington? Mmmm Hmmmm
Crammin’ For The Jam Exam
I’m Glad We Waited Til Dusk
You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir
Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers
You’re Like John Adams Times 1.5!
Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer
I Guess We’ll Need A New Kitchen
Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other
They Call Me The “You’re Welcome Man”
Let’s Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl
So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse
File Under “The Rolling Stones”
No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct
My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles
Two-State Solution With Benefits
My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position
Can’t Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey
Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning
So This Is Medicaid?
Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie
Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood
Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door
No Senator, I Already Have Two
PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder
Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work
A Real Whodunnit!
Horace’s Compromise
Plutocrats Got Feelings Too
Introduction, A Gift From Derrick
Some Jokes That Have To Do With My Girlfriend, A Hotel In Boston, A Man In Provincetown, Twitter, Time Vs. Timing, A Neck Pillow
Sub Pop Showcase At SxSW
Ask A Pastor
Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center
A Linkedin Profile
The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe
Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A ‘Zine
Contacting Celebrities On Facebook
Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH
Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods
I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage
A Guided Meditation For The Thoughtful Body
Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable
The Body
Feet & Legs
Tummy, Doodle & Hoo-Hoo
Heart
Throat, Arms & Hands
Head
Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax
Fuckscape
Enter The Fuckscape
Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner
I’m A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor
I Thought I Was The Pancake Man
You’re A World-Class Pussy-Grifter
Eugene's Comprehensive Sound Effects Library
Introduction
Horse
Horse Galloping
Horse III
Duck
Duck II
Dog
Cat
Cat Purring
Cat Asking For Directions
Two Sheep Arguing
Mice Making Fried Rice
Bear
Wolf
Fox Embarrassed About His Boner
Giraffe Sleeping
Turtle
Turtle II
Chicken Prostitute Haggling
Shark
Toilet Flushing
Blender
Automatic Door Opening
Doorbell
Alarm Clock
Frying Pan Sizzle
Teapot Whistle
Dishwasher Running
Telephone Ringing
Telephone Falling On The Ground
Shower Running
Crackling Fire
VCR Ejecting A Tape
Group Of Businessmen Agreeing
Baby Locked In A Dresser
Fart
Long Fart
Fart III
Little Girl Crying
Man Walking In Boots
Screaming Man
Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man
TV Audience Clapping At Food
Drum Circle
Rave
Last Guy At A Rave
Train
Steam Engine
Neon Sign
Motorcycle
Scanning An Item
Feeling For A Ripe Avocado
Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy
Jack-In-The-Box
Jigsaw Puzzle
Fire Truck
Video Game
Italian Person Eating A Pizza Pie
Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For
Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar
Grand Wizard Can’t Find A Sock
Powerful Senator
Powerful Senator II
Fighter Plane
Ambient Noise In An Airplane
Airplane Flying
Police Siren
Police Siren In Europe
Police Siren In Belgium
Gun Shot
Machine Gun
.357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon
Gays In The Military
Thunder
Rain
Hurricane
Blizzard
Snowing
Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business
Computer Downloading A File
New Email
Traffic
Kids Playing In The Park
Kids Playing In The Park II
Spaceship Flying
Spaceship Crashing
Going To Warp Speed
Alien Supermarket
Laser Gunfire
Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands
Ronald Reagan Taking A Shower
Tacos
Fur Coat Getting Fucked By A Bunch Of Cats
Tree Falling In A Forest
Jewish Person Saying “Oy Vey” Wrong
Summertime
People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency
Helicopters
Living Helicopter Complaining
Chinese Woman Eating Lasagna
Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial
Elephant Having Trouble
One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money
Telephone Calling A Toaster
Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question
Shortwave Radio
Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall
Dentist Having Sex
Panda At A Hotel
Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them
Cat That Doesn't Mind
Male Toothpaste Being Sneaky
Creamy Polenta Vs. Couscous
Old Man’s Penis
Dial Tone
Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom
Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie
Guy Getting A Sweet Beej
Fire Hydrant That Doesn’t Want Anyone To Know It’s Anti-Semitic
Bellhop Who Got Stung
LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi
LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise
Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich
Too Many Pieces Of Paper
Puddle
Magic Clown Using His Powers
Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion
The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better
Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong
Misogynistic Maple Trees
Apple Sauce Being Naughty
Safe Word
Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf
Cookies Being Arrested
Sheep That Is Too Cute To Eat
Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World
Desk Covered In Hair
Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time
Boy Who Loves Hammocks
Dustpan
A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter
Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies
Yellow Line That Divides Roads
Smell Of A Pear
Group Of Wealthy Men
Confused Child
25 Rats Sleeping
Flowers
Fishing
Boat
Mizzenmast
Bow
Stern
Basement
Rainbow
Telescope Being Defensive
Larry King Being Told Important Information
Well
The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record
Salad
Little Girl Teasing A Lamp
Zoo With Nothing To Lose
Racist Stapler
Friendship Bracelet
Thor’s Hammer, Mjölnir
Two Lost Fireflies
Humpback Whale
Elevator At The Empire State Building
Tip Of A Billionaire’s Penis
Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood
French Kids Picking Apples
Huge Pile Of Dirty Shirts
Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated
RomneyCare & ObamaCare
The Nerve Of Some People
Boner School
Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident
A BuzzFeed List
Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged
Fox News & MSNBC
Amicable Divorce
Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom
Snacks In Iraq
Telecommuting Cat
Nano-Horse
Hebrew Ray
Caldor Binge Drinking
Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game
Details
School Teacher Given Permission
High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future
Cheese
Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City
The Czech Republic
Drug Lord Feels Pretty Bad
Hotel Bed That Is Tired
Warm Handmade Boiled Bagels
Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction
Digital Drugs
A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs
Marijuana
PCP
Heroin
Apple Cider Vinegar
MDMA
LSD
Amoxicillin
Peyote
Amaretto Sour
Oxycodone
Over 45 Minutes Of Crying
Crying
More Crying
Still Crying
I Simply Keep Crying
Introduction To Spoken Russian
Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook
Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations
Conversational Russian In The Workplace
Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings
Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest
Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances In Public Spaces
Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia
Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World Of Academia
Polite Ways To Engage People Of High Status
Ringtones & Outgoing Voicemail Messages For Your Personal Use
Intro To Ringtones
Phone Call
Vibrate Vibrate Vibrate
Ding-Dong Doodly-Doo
Waterfalls Shrimp Shrimp
Fiddle-Doddle-Doodle-Deedle
Doo-Doo-Pa-Dee-Da-Da-Pada
Phone Is Ringing
Friend
Love
Spicy Fish
Mother Calling
Father Calling
Mother 2
Father 2
Zippa-Dee-Doo-Da Zippa-Dee-Da
Aaaaaaaa
Wife Calling
Husband Calling
Someone Is Calling
Fuckface Calling
Acquaintance
Unnnnnn
Auauauauauauau
Wouowowoooouuuooo
Whistle Ring
Trtrtrtrtrtrtrllllbbrrr
Vrrrvvvvvvvvvvbbbrrr
Hyeuueehuuyehyeheyehyeyeeuu
Gwreeegwkqreu
Hrrruuhrrrunnghruu
Hraaaa! Hraavlaa!
Luuuuleelaaalalou!!
Unnngnhhhnhnhnuua
Answer The Phone
Pffrrrtttt
Susan Sarandon Is Calling
Colleague
Doodle-Doodle Hoo-Hoo
Hey!
Waffles
Fuckbuddy
Piano Cleaner
Bryan
Cream Cheese
Rabbi
Priest
I Can't Answer The Phone
Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages
Dr. Fart
Sarah
Social Anxiety
The Sizzle-Maker
Mittens
Kate
No Answer
Debbie
Andrew
Phil Donahue
Kaitlin
Old Man
Steve
Lucy
Judy
Megan
Leave Your Name
Kim
Tim
Miguel
Sebastian
Penicillin Dong
Thong McHacky-Sack
Matt
Katie
Confident Balls
Robert
Mr. Shitface
Pile Of Sneakers
Pasta Nasty
Crème Fresh Jackson
I Can’t Answer The Phone
Flitchy Woo-Woo
Slick Motherfucker
Sleepy Horse
Can’t Come To Phone
Dawn
I Am A Doctor
Nick
Poodle
Hello, Mr. Cunt
Standard Greeting 1
Standard Greeting 2
Standard Greeting 3
Standard Greeting 4
Standard Greeting 5
Standard Greeting 6
Standard Greeting 7
I Can’t Answer The Phone (But I Want To)
195 Orgasms
Please Take Off Your Shoes
Don Draper Has The Flu
Moons Over Your Hammy
It’s Not A Slumber Party Without Thor
Now My Back Hurts
Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up
Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin
Oops
Sneaking Around The Zoo
Goodnight, Buddy
Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry
Faxed To The Wrong Number
Linda Ronstadt Chillaxing
1960’s Street Fight
Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh… Thanks
You Can Call Me Al (Not Song)
Don’t Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret
The Best Misunderstanding
Whoa… Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel
Kindhearted Fireman
Let’s Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. And Mrs. President
Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun
Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner
Goofballs Having Silly Fun
The Jackal Never Misses!
Land-Grabber’s Cousin Has Nice Upstairs
Mrs. Thunder / Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain
Don’t Mind If I Do…
Round One Goes To Princess-Rump
Happy And Stuffed
Just Another Guns N’ Roses Brunch
Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp
Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache
Have We Met?
No, Please… After You
Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD… Actually, Keep It
Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded
88% On Rotten Tomatoes
Mischievous Whoopsy-Daisy
Two Rascals Showing Off
48 And Flexible
That Was Worth It
Bandits Helping Around The House
Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling
I’m The Autodidact Of Amour
Oh, My Wife Knows
That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded
The Healing Heart / Mother-In-Law
Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party
We Get Five Weeks’ Vacation In Holland
Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant
Two Adults In A Small Space
Dude, We’re On The 5 O’Clock News
www.thepleasuresallmine.gov
I Don’t Have The Hiccups Anymore
Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven
These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!
Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful
I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now
The Kindness Of Strangers
We’re Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind
IT Department Doesn’t Have A Care In The World
Brassy, Bald And Ejaculating
I Voted For McCain In 2000
New Car Smell, Old Car Feel
Paul Can Really Push Good
Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want
David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange
Doin’ The Flip-A-Doo
Anti-Vaxxer “Saxophone” Relaxer
Germaphobe Does Not Mind
Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise
Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy
Fart Walrus
French Woman Enjoying A Danish
No Shirt, No Shoes - Service
With Or Without You (Preferably With)
Shouts And Murmurs
Pilates Are Invigorating
I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu
The Last Rock Star
It's Noon Somewhere
My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago
Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good
Love Clean Up, Aisle One
Found Your Thing Using MapQuest
Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store
This Cheesecake Is Divine
Jam Session
Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)
Even Better Than An Associate Degree
I Went To School In The Boston Area
Happiness Is A Warm Dong
Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole
Call Me Dr. Stardust
Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze
Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator
Operation Cooch-Toot
Preggo!
My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days
Sure, In There Is Fine
The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia
Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)
We Were Just Talking About You
Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford
Sophisticated?
We Deserve A Michelin Star
Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces
Soup Dumplings, Squish-Squish
How Very Hemmingway Of You
Drinking Straight Out Of Lust’s Milk Carton
Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation
Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief
I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?
Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short
Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?
Dirty Boulevard
Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?
Portland, ME Is Cool… But Really Weird
The Wish-Maker Will See You Now
Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker
The Shenanigans You Requested
What Gusto!
Please Don’t Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)
Wet Hot Americano
A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source
Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit
A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven
Too Soon?
Please Be Quiet Or You’ll Wake Up My Titties
Never You Mind That
She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter
Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game
Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence
Two Gigolos, One Office Manager
Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting
It Took Another Man’s Wife To Make This Boy A Man
Nothing Goes To Waste
My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse
Make Yourself At Home
Meet Me By The Condom Machine
I Feel Like I’ve Known You For Hours
Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out
Fire Your Dentist!
Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two
Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of Shit
I’m The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There
Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style
Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship
Sally’s In Charge
Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons
The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This “Carrot-Man”
It’s Raining Dan
It’s Like Apples And Oranges (Fucking)
College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It’d Be
Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help
A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables
Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting
Best Friends / Next Level
Tooth Fairy Is Quite Real
Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding
A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure
So Glad That Was You Behind Me
An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman
Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude
Martha Washington? Mmmm Hmmmm
Crammin’ For The Jam Exam
I’m Glad We Waited Til Dusk
You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir
Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers
You’re Like John Adams Times 1.5!
Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer
I Guess We’ll Need A New Kitchen
Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other
They Call Me The “You’re Welcome Man”
Let’s Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl
So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse
File Under “The Rolling Stones”
No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct
My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles
Two-State Solution With Benefits
My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position
Can’t Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey
Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning
So This Is Medicaid?
Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie
Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood
Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door
No Senator, I Already Have Two
PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder
Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work
A Real Whodunnit!
Horace’s Compromise
Plutocrats Got Feelings Too